


how our lives collide

by myscribblingquill



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marauders' Era, Sad Happy Ending, Sexual Tension, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 16:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12016425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myscribblingquill/pseuds/myscribblingquill
Summary: Mary and Sirius have known each other for a long time. They've been through seven years of Hogwarts, survived countless exams, grown into adults and watched their friends grow with them. Somewhere along the way though, they fell in love and missed their chance.aka eight times Sirius and Mary almost held hands and one time they did.





	how our lives collide

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short 3+1 but apparently I have no chill when it comes to blackdonald (who's surprised? i'm not, this ship owns me) 
> 
> (If you listen to [So Close from Enchanted](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ad7ejBn3KSQ), I can't guarantee that you won't cry)

**i.**

It starts with a letter. 

A howler to be more specific, one sent by his mother that arrived with the morning post. Sirius ignored it for a long as he could, but he knew he’d have to open it- before it started screeching at him in the middle of charms.

He takes it to an out of the way classroom, far enough from the towers that no one will hear the screaming; or be able to find him afterwards.

There’s pieces of red and white paper strewn on the floor at his feet. The words his mother had screeched still ringing in his ears. It’s the same thing she’s said to him before, mainly after he’d got sorted into Gryffindor. It’s been three years, but the insults still sting even if he doesn’t care much the woman they come from.

“Hello?” A voice starts Sirius out of his musing.

The person, whoever they are, hasn’t come into the classroom yet so Sirius wipes away his angry tears. He pushes the paper into a pile and stamps on, wishing that it wasn’t just the paper he’s stamping on.

The door opens and Mary Macdonald’s petite frame appears in the doorway.

“Oh, Sirius. What-” The confusion on her face at the sight of him is quickly wiped away by concern, “Are you alright?”

“Fine, thanks Macdonald,” He can still feel tears dripping down his chin. He tries, and fails, to wipe them away without Mary noticing.

Mary doesn’t look convinced as she takes a few steps into the room. Sirius doesn’t really know her that well. She’s a fellow Gryffindor, he knows that much. She’s a muggle-born as well, he’d know that from excitement on her face whenever they get to use magic- what’s he’s not so sure about is why he remembers the way her eyes light up.

“Are you sure?” She says, her hands shoved into her robes and a frown of concern on her face.

“Yeah, I-” He breaks off and studies her face for a moment. She looks genuinely concerned, and that’s what changes his mind. They’ve barely exchanged three words over as many years, and she barely knows him, but she looks like she cares how he is. He gets the feeling that she’s not going to judge him, not matter what he says.

“My mum sent me a howler,” He pulls his foot of the pile of paper.

“A howler?” Mary frowns, and Sirius remembers that she’s muggle-born.

“They’re letters that, well, that scream at you,”

Mary winces and then sit down on the bench next to him, “That’s horrid,”

“Yeah and my mother is about a nice as a dragon that hasn’t been fed for a year,”  
Sirius grumbles, provoking a smothered laugh from Mary.

“What did she say?” Mary prompts after Sirius doesn’t continue talking.

He takes a deep breath, and then launches into the tale. He misses out the parts about how she treats him at home, how Regulus is treated like the golden boy and he’s shunned into the corner. He does tell her about his mother screaming that he’s worthless and a waste of space, and how ashamed she is to have him for a son.

His voice cracks at some point. The worst thing is, he doesn’t want to care about his mother’s opinion of him but some small part of him doesn’t hate her.

“You’re allowed to want your mother’s approval,” Mary says when he finishes, “She sounds awful though.”

“She is and I-” Sirius breaks off, the conflicting emotions of hating his mother and wanting approval, tugging him two different ways, “I hate her but I-”

“Still want her to treat you like her son?” Mary finishes off his sentence.

Sirius pauses, and looks at her profile. He’d never expected Mary to understand what he’s going through, but she does somehow and he can’t deny that it makes him a little bit curious.

She might not understand fully but there’s no trace of judgement in her face. All there is is concern. It makes him feel a little bit better, for wanting the approval of a person he hates.

“I think a situation like this calls for shortbread,” She pulls out a parcel wrapped in brown paper and undoes the ribbon. The paper falls away to reveal a pile of golden shortbread slices.

“They’re from my mum. She’s always sending me things in the post,” Mary holds them out to him and he takes one. They’re flakey and fall apart as soon as he takes a bite but they taste of sugar and butter and homemade love.

The simple act of kindness startles Sirius a little. Mary’s offering him a gift that her mother sent her without even blinking. She’s listening to his family drama and not judging him at all. He’s not sure if he wants to hug her or kiss her or simply thank her for being a friend.

“My parents,” Mary starts, “They’re both amazing. They’re doctors. Mum’s a consultant, Dad’s a surgeon. My older brother, Bill, is a lawyer, Phoebe’s a writer and Jonny’s probably going to be the best neurologist in England” She gives a little laugh. “And I’m a witch.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing,” Sirius jokes. Her family sound nice, incredibly smart but so very nice. He knows what she’s getting at though, the pressure from parents, the expectations.

“It’s not, it’s the best thing in the world,” She sounds elated. “I was so happy when I got my letter. There was finally something that I could be good at, something that they could be proud of me for.” She turns to Sirius, “It’s in no way the same as your mother hating you but I understand the pressure that comes from family.”

Sirius nods. He can’t bring himself to speak, so he smiles and nods until Mary smiles back. It odd how she’s in a completely different situation but Sirius knows that she understands. 

Sometimes family wants you to be something, and you have to make them understand that you're not that. Sirius knows his mother will ever accept that he’s not a Slytherin, that he doesn’t agree with the pure-blood elitism, but it helps that someone else understands.

“I should get going,” Mary makes to stand, and then sits back.

She rips of a chunk of the brown paper and wraps a few slices of the shortbread in it. Sirius finds it shoved into his hands. Her hands squeeze his and then she lets go.

“Just in case,” She says.

Sirius watches her go. She stops at the door, hesitates and then turns back, “If you ever need any more shortbread, you know where I am.”

“Thanks, Mary,” Sirius smiles. 

It’s not the offer of shortbread that keeps the smile on his face for the rest of the evening, but the start of a friendship. James thinks he’s gone barmey and perhaps he has, but when he sees Mary in the common room the grin on his face gets even bigger.

 

**ii.**

They’re going to Hogsmeade. It’s freezing cold, and Mary’s already shivering but she’s determined to spend the day enjoying herself with her friends. 

She wants a break from studying, N.E.W.T classes are interesting by Mary feels a little like her brain is about to melt. She’s been looking forward to the day for weeks. They’d all agreed to go down as a group, with Lily protesting about Potter being invited along. Marlene argued that they couldn’t agree to walk down the rest of them and not Potter, he’d turn up anyway.

“Mare,” Lily wrapped in a purple scarf, matching hat, and her winter coat, grabs Mary’s hands and pulls her up from the steps, “The boys are here.”

True enough, the four boys, all wrapped up warm, are heading towards them chattering between themselves. Greetings are exchanged and they set off to the village.

They’ve only been walking for a few minutes and Mary already regrets not wearing her thicker gloves. You’d think after five years of being at Hogwarts she would have adjusted to the weather but the snow and the cold still catches her off guard every time. She’s always forgetting that the castle is kept warm.

“You are alright Mary?” Marlene catches up beside her. She looks properly dressed, a thick knitted hat and scarf, just like everyone else, and gloves so thick she can barely move her hands.

“I’m fine,” Mary mumbles. “Have we decided where we’re going when we get there?”

“I need to go to Spintwitches,” James says, turning around from the front of the group where he’s talking to Sirius, “I’m out of polish.”

“Zonko’s,” Peter says

Mary nods. She’s still cold but talking helps to distract her a little. 

“I think we need to go to the Three Broomsticks at some point,” Marlene smirks.

“Got a hot date, McKinnon?” Sirius questions.

“Perhaps,”

“Marls, I think my hands are falling off,” Mary says. Her hands don’t feel like they actually about to fall off but they could and it’s a legitimate concern at the moment.

“Shove em in your pockets,” Sirius suggests. He’s dropped back to walk with her and Marlene, leaving Lily and James alone. Mary’s not sure if leaving them unsupervised is a good idea, the last time they did that James had to shave everyday for three weeks. There’s a nod passed between her and Marlene, before Marlene quickens her pace to chat up with the pair.

Mary does at Sirius suggests, shoves her hands in her pockets and wiggles her fingers. It helps a little, keeping the wind chill off but her fingers are still a little numb and they’re not warming back up.

“I got another letter from my mum,” Mary tells Sirius. Ever since they became friends in third year he’s always politely asked after them, and she was more than happy to talk. 

“I’m going to Spintwitches,” James says upon their entry to Hogsmeade. “Sirius?”

“Yeah, I’ll come with you.”

The group of the split up into smaller group knowing that they’ll all end up . Remus and Peter went off to Zonko’s with Dorcas, Alice and Frank. 

Marlene, Mary and Lily wandered over to Scrivenshaft’s. Most of them had already run out of quills, even though they’d only been back at school for a few months. Mary knew that Marlene had been snapping her’s in frustration and Lily had taken to throwing them at certain people when they’d been getting too loud in the library.

“I don’t understand why we had to include him Mary,” Lily complains as they’re choosing quills.

“He’s really not that bad,” Mary protests. She understands why Lily think James is the worst person in the world, but she’s willing to give him the benefit of doubt. “Besides, we can not include him.”

“I’m sure we could have,” 

“Lily, you don’t have to talk to him,” Marlene points out. 

“I don’t exactly have a choice,” Lily glares. 

They pay for their quills. Mary hovers at the door before Lily drags her back outside. It’s so cold and Mary’s hand have warmed up a little while inside the shop. 

“I’m going to head over to the pub,” Marlene says and then disappears across the square.

“Come on,” Lily looks around furtively, and then pulls Mary alongs. 

Mary’s only been in Pippin’s Potions a few times. It’s not really her area of expertise, she leaves that to Lily who’s examining the little bottles.

“This one,” Lily holds up a container with a grin.

It read ‘Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion’. The name rings a bell and it’s not until Lily’s paid for the potion that she realises why.

“It’s that what James’ dad invented?”

“Yep,” Lily gives her a smug grin.

“Lil, I don’t understand why you hate Potter, I’m willing to support it, but what exactly are you doing with that potion?” She points to the warning label stating that redheads shouldn’t use it. Mary doesn’t want to have to deal with a Lily’s hair falling out, or whatever horrid consequences that befall redheads.

“Oh, I’m not using it,” Lily states, putting the potion inside another bag to hide it.

“Fine but I absolve myself of all responsibility for what happens,” Mary says.

She has a suspicion about how Lily’s going to use the potion but she’s not going to ask. That way she can’t be blamed if it goes wrong. Lily’s still grinning smugly when they get to Honeydukes, and her grin on increase when she sees James.

The four boys already have their hands full of sweet bags. Mary notices that Remus looks at little better than he did earlier, the sugar content being a possible reason for that. When she looks at the boys properly she notices that they all look a little peaky. Their faces are pale, and James has a healing cut on his forehead. It’s probably to do with their next prank, Mary thinks, they’re always planning something, or exploring the forgotten Hogwarts corridor’s.

The sweet shop is warm, and smelling of sugar with bodies crammed in. Mary can’t blame them, the shop is a nice respite from the snow. The shelves of sweets make Mary’s mouth water. She avoids the shelves labelled ‘Special Effects’. Mary prefers her sweets not to try to kill her.

“Mary, have you decided yet?” Lily questions, shaking her bag of sweets. For a moment Mary wishes she could be a decisive as Lily. There are just too many sweets to choose from and she wants to get enough to last till the next trip.

“I can’t, they are too many,” Mary exclaims, exasperated at her own indecisiveness.

Twenty minutes later, she’s given up and buys a bit of everything. By that time there’s only Lily and Sirius left in the shop. They having a conversation by the Fizzing Whizzbees when Mary joins them.

“Ready to go?” Lily smiles at Mary’s bag of sweets.

“Shame they don’t sell shortbread, huh,” Sirius jokes.

Mary laughs, “I think I can wait for my next delivery. The shortbread they make here kinda sucks.”

The three of them exit the shop and Mary’s pulls her coat closer at a gust of wind. There are Hogwarts students milling about everywhere. Across the street, huddled in a group and whispering to each other Severus Snape, Mulciber and a few other Slytherin’s eye them with distaste. Mary notices Lily stiffen when she sees who Snape is with.

“You going to say hi, Evans?” Sirius nods at them

“Nope,” Lily says after a moment's hesitation. Snape has noticed them, his eyes darting from Lily to Sirius and back to Lily again.

Lily races across down the street and into the Three Broomsticks before Mary even notices she’s made a move. 

“Are they having a spat?”

“None of your business, Black.” Mary says disdainfully. It’s Lily’s business, and Mary’s keeping her mouth shut..

They have to weave their way through the other students. In groups of two and three’s they’re hurrying about from one warm shop to the other, bright red cheeks and pink noses. 

Mary’s hands are like icicles. She taken the gloves off as they were only making the situation worse. Chafing her hands together helps to bring a little but of feeling to the tips of her fingers. 

They’re walking across a patch of ice when she slips. Her feet slip out from underneath her and her arms whirl. Mary’s sure she’s going to hit the floor and end up with a nasty bruise tomorrow, but then a pair of arms grab her waist. 

Sirius pulls her upright, her back pressed against his chest. Mary’s heart is beating fast, from the fall she tells herself, not from Sirius catching her.

“Macdonald?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” Sirius lets his hands drop and spins her around.

“Yeah,” Mary smooths down her coat, “Thanks for catching me.”

“No problem, although,” He cocks his head, and pulls her hand through his arm, “I’m not catching you again.”

Mary chuckles. The hand that’s tucked into the crook of his arm is a lot warmer now.

When they get to the pub, Sirius quickly disentangles their arms. Mary joins the others at the table, eying the their mugs of Butterbeer as she fishes around in her bag for her purse. Sirius disappears off and when he returns Mary finds a warm mug of Butterbeer placed in front of her.

“Don’t want your hands falling off before O.W.L’s,”

 

**iii.**

Sirius isn’t quite sure why he’s never noticed before but Mary Macdonald is terrifying. He’s known her for years, and now they’re in sixth year he really should have figured out that there is a reason she’s a Gryffindor.

He’s hasn’t ever thought about it until he sees her shouting in the middle of the Great Hall.

“How dare you? Go and apologise to the poor boy,” She’s screaming at the Ravenclaw who is about a foot taller than her and twice as wide.

The size difference isn’t stopping her from berating him though. She’s shouting and the Ravenclaw has his head hug, muttering what Sirius assumes is an apology.

Sirius finds that he can’t look away from her. There’s something about the anger that’s vibrating of her body that he finds mesmerizing. He puts it down to having never seen her shouting at anyone before. He’s never see Mary angry before, so this Ravenclaw must have done something monstrous to incur her wrath.

Her hands are on her hips, and there a defiant tone in her voice. Sirius is sure that if she looked at him right now he’d burst into flames from the heat of her gaze.

He’s still staring at her when the Ravenclaw, walks over to the Hufflepuff table and says something to a group of second years. Mary smiles smugly, satisfied at the results.

She turns around and spots him and Sirius realises that he’s still staring. His jaw has fallen open and he must look like he’s just met Godric Gryffindor himself, although he would probably be less inclined to kiss Godric Gryffindor in the middle of the Great Hall.

Mary raises an eyebrow at him and Sirius forces his legs to move. He walks over to the stairs, not controlling his legs very well, still in a daze. His foot misses the first step and his face collides with the floor.

“Sirius,” Mary’s cry comes from behind him somewhere.

He’s barely had the chance to order his thoughts, and she’s next to him. Her hands on his arms, helping him upright.

“Are you okay?” She peers at his face. Sirius notices the flush on her face and the very faint freckles. She’s breathing heavily too and Sirius’ brain isn’t cooperating at all. 

All he can think is Mary. All he can see is Mary, her soft looking hair and lips that are too close to his. He’s transfixed without a coherent thought in his head

“Sirius?” Mary’s perplexed by his unresponsiveness and places a hand on his forehead. 

His brain freezes. There’s nothing in his head other than the thought that Mary Macdonald is touching him and she’s so damn pretty.

“Are you ill?”

“No I’m --” He gulps, to try and right his voice, “I fell up the stairs.”

“I noticed,” She giggles. “Is your leg ok?”

“Never been better,” He claims and Mary doesn’t look like she believe him but she shifts her hand off his arm.

“Can you get up?”

“Yeah, no, I’m great, I’m wonderful,” He stutters, and wonders what the hell it is about this girl that’s turned his brain to mush, “I got distracted by …” He looks at her, “Things. There were people, and I, just … eyes. ”

“Okay?” Mary stands up, evidently confused by the number of words that are coming out of his mouth with no apparent order to them, “As long as you’re alright?”

“I’m great, thanks Mary,” He smiles and then runs up the stairs as quickly as he can without any more mishaps. 

When he gets back to the dormitory he realises that’s the first time he’s ever called her Mary.

 

**iv.**

Mary does not like Sirius. 

Well, she does like Sirius but only as a friend and even if a small part of her does like him more than that he never has to know. She’s sure he only sees her as a friend. Sure, he’s had girlfriends and she’s walked in on him snogging someone more than once but he always seem to preoccupied with whatever’s going on in his life.

Just because she spent the last hour convincing herself that asking him if his leg is okay, as a friend, doesn’t mean that she’s not convinced herself she doesn’t like him. 

She doesn’t.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” She says to Lily at the beginning of Charms. They’ve all just walked into the classroom, Professor Flitwick having let them in a few minutes early.

She spots Sirius sat in his normal seat, but there’s no James next to him. Mary decides that she’s going to sit down next to him, ask about his leg and then go back to Lily. Short and simple but that’s not how it happens.

As she walking over Sirius spots her and smiles. He looks slightly ill. She did check he if he had a fever yesterday but today he looks like he’s about to throw up. 

She realises that perhaps he’s not ill, but nervous. He’s fiddling with his quill and his eyes keep darting from his desk to her and back again. His nervousness rubs off on her from halfway across the classroom and she almost turns back.

When she gets to his desk, she goes to sit down on the bench beside him. For a second she thinks she missed, whatever she’s sat on it not a bench. It’s soft and warm and moving?

She feels hands on her waist and breath on her hair. She’s not sat on the bench. She’s sat on Sirius’ lap.

Neither of them react to the situation. Mary feels Sirius shift under her and she sits bolt upright. 

“I’m sorry I-”

“Shit, sorry, Macdonald.”

“I was going for the -”

“I moved and-”

“-bench”

Mary whirls her head around to look at him. His cheeks have gone bright red, Mary knows hers are the same colour. She can feel the heat spreading up her neck and over her face.

“How’s your leg?” She asks, remembering why she’s in this situation in the first place.

“Fine,” Sirius grunts and Mary can’t help wonder if he’s a little bit uncomfortable with her in his lap. She doesn’t trust herself to move with falling onto the floor though. 

Mary nods, she’s really not sure what to say. It’s like falling onto Sirius lap made all her words fall out of her head. She can feel him fiddling with her robes at her waist but his hands aren’t actually touching her. Part of her wishes he would.

“Are you spending all of Charms on my lap then, Macdonald?” Sirius asks. Mary doesn’t have to turn around to see the smirk on his face.

“Sorry, I’ll just,” She slips off his lap, and he makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like a groan.

It’s not until she’s sat on a bench again that she notices she’s trapped next to him. There’s a wall on one side of her and Sirius on the other. As he’s pointedly not looked at her, Mary resigns herself to staying where she is. It’s not too bad a seat, if would be better if she could stop thinking about how much more comfortable Sirius’ lap was though.

“Are you stealing my seat, Mary?” James smiles at her over Sirius’ head. 

She’s just finished pulling out her parchment out of her bag and almost slams it down on the desk. “Sorry, I ended up-” She breaks off and looks at Sirius who blushes again.

Mary can feel the blush on her cheeks too and James is grinning at both of them.

“Oh I saw,” He raises an eyebrow at Sirius, who Mary pretty sure kicks him as he lets out a yelp, “Guess I’ll have to go and sit with Evans then.”

Mary opens her mouth to tell James that they can swap seats but he’s gone already. Sirius still looks uncomfortable with her sitting next to him.

“Sirius,” Mary says, and he turns to her. 

The blush on his face is pretty spectacular and Mary can’t help smiling at him. He smiles back and Mary feels the awkwardness fade away.

“Have you got a spare quill?” He asks, and shifts towards her.

“Course,” She ignores the brush of their fingers as she passes her spare one over.

The lesson passes and Mary barely pays any attention. 

Sirius’ leg is pressed against hers. She’s not sure if it’s on purpose or not but she doesn’t move. She doesn’t move away when he puts his hands on the small of her back as they’re leaving the classroom either, or when he hugs her goodnight.

 

**v.**

“Morning Sirius,” Mary’s cheerful face greets him from the table. She’s smiling and Sirius’ morning is already better.

His eyes are still bleary and he feels like he’s going to fall asleep in his porridge but Mary doesn’t seem to mind his silence. She’s got a book in her hand. Sirius can’t tell what it’s about but it looks like a muggle book and from the way she’s flicking through the pages she must be enjoying it.

After a bowl of porridge and a plate of bacon Sirius is feeling a little more awake.

“Whatcha reading?” He asks, around a mouthful of orange juice.

“It’s a muggle novel,” Mary puts a little scrap of paper into book and shuts it. “My mum sent it to me.”

There’s a pot of tea in front of her and Sirius glances around the room. There’s only about ten people in the whole of the hall. When he got up he hadn’t checked the time, his stomach told him it was breakfast time and that was the end of that. There was no point in waking any of the other Marauders up as they get up when they were ready, so Sirius came down to breakfast by himself.

“Mary, what’s the time?”

She pulls back a sleeve, “About half six,”

Sirius almost spits out his orange juice. He’s never up this early unless there’s a reason.

“Godric, why am I awake this early?” He doesn’t really direct the question at Mary, but she laughs anyway. He lets his head fall onto the table, his eyes drifting shut.

“It’s the only time the school is quiet,”

“Yeah, but I should be sleeping,”

“Me too,”

“Why are you up?” Sirius looks up at her.

“I couldn’t sleep,” She picks up her book again. Her posture shifting her away from him.

“Me neither. My stomach insisted on breakfast,” He jokes and her shoulders shake from a concealed laugh.

She hasn’t put the book down but she’s turned back towards him so Sirius counts it as an achievement. 

“Typical, thinking with your stomach,”

“I can’t help it,” Sirius protests.

She’s laughing properly now and Sirius thinks that if he gets to see her laughing like that every morning he’d have no objections to getting up abominably early.

They mutually agree to hang around in the Great Hall waiting for all the others. Sitting next to her brings memories of her sitting on his lap from a few weeks ago. He’s a little bit ashamed of the way he acted but who can blame him? There was a pretty girl sitting on his lap and his brain froze. He finds it does that a lot when Mary’s around.

Eventually, other sleepy faces appear at the table. Lily arrives with unbrushed hair, dragging Alice behind her. Then James bounds down with far too much energy. Remus looks like he’s never slept and Peter’s missing his tie.

As they all drift in Mary moves her book from the table onto the bench. Her hands are wrapped around it and slowly they drift across the bench. 

Sirius doesn’t know if she’s doing it on purpose. He can’t stop his own hand from drifting towards hers. They’re sat close enough that no one else notices. The tips of their fingers touch, they drag over each other savouring the feeling of each other’s skin. Sirius is about to intertwine their fingers when she snatches her hand back.

He can’t stop his head from spinning to look at her. She’s not looking at him but smiling past him, over his shoulder and he follows her gaze.

Marlene’s walking towards them, rubbing her eyes and not really paying attention. She squeezes herself between them pushing Sirius down the bench and away from Mary.

He tries not to feel bitter but he was a few seconds away from holding Mary’s hand. The light touch of her fingers stays with him for the rest of the day.

 

**vi.**

The Gryffindor common room is quiet for once. It is the middle of the night so Mary isn’t expecting anyone to be there. She’s not sure if she’d preference the presence of anyone else though. It might be nice to not have to hear herself crying.

She awoke thrashing and crying, the sound of laughter echoing from her dream, the bright light of a curse bleached into her brain. It had taken her a moment to remember that she was in her dorm, that there was no Mulciber or Avery. She was safe.

It didn’t stop the tears or shaking though.

She’d crept downstairs into the common room and switched on all the lights to full brightness. It makes her feel a little safe being able to see the door and all the dark corners. 

She still can’t stop shaking.

She tries, clamps her arms around her chest and thinks of anything else. Her thoughts keep coming back to that one night. 

Mulciber and Avery had cornered her while she was walking back to the common room. She hadn’t paid them much attention when they’d followed her down the hall, but when they took her wand she’d started to panic.

She has no idea where they took her, and she doesn’t want to find out. That room will live forever in her memory. They’d cursed her legs so she couldn’t move and only laughed when she threatened and shouted at them. 

She doesn’t remember a lot of what happened after that, until Professor Dumbledore burst in with Professor Slughorn and Professor McGonagall. They’d taken her to the hospital wing and the next thing she remembers is Lily and her parents. 

Most of what happens in her dreams is from what she’s been told had happened. Apparently Mulciber and Avery were practising Dark Magic on her. She knows they must have done something like that because she wakes screaming from her dreams, pain echoing over her body. The rumours say they were practising the Imperius Curse and Mary is thankful she doesn’t really remember or that neither of them were able to cast it properly.

It almost worse that they weren’t able to cast the spell properly. The school can’t do anything. They are almost no physical signs of the Imperius Curse, so Mulciber is immune to any sort punishment. He’s still allowed at the school and the thought terrified Mary.

The physical wounds they’d left from the other spells are mostly healed now. It had happened at the end of sixth year and Mary’s friends had spent most of the summer visiting to make sure she was coming back. There had never been any doubt about that, she wasn’t going to let either of them cower her into submission, but the nightmares got worse at the beginning of term.

She hasn’t told anyone though. Her parents know, they sent her to a counselor over the summer, which had helped a little. Mary thinks that Lily, Marlene and Dorcas suspect, they do share a bedroom after all, but they haven’t said anything. She wishes they would.

They talk about it sometimes. Skimming around the edge of the subject. Mary doesn’t want to make her friends uncomfortable but some days she wants to yell and scream and curse and question why they chose her. Why did Mulciber chose her, why out of all the other students in the school? She wouldn’t wish her trauma on anyone, but there’s a part of her that says it’s not fair, not fair that she’s tried to be nice. She’s never been anything but nice to any of the blood-purist and yet they still hate her- for something that is in no way her fault.

They’re studying for N.E.W.T’s now and Mary really doesn’t want to disrupt any of their sleep. Which is why she’s in the common room trying to deal with it herself.

“Merlin’s beard, who’s put the light on?” Sirius’ clatters down the stairs.

Mary shrinks into the sofa, clenching her arms around herself. She hadn’t been expecting anyone to come down the stairs. She’s quite content to cry in the corner without anyone noticing but Sirius is here and Mary’s not quite sure whether she wants him to notices that she is too.

“Mary?” Too late, he notices and he suddenly looks very awake. “Mary, are you alright?”

He’s closer now and Mary shrinks into herself even further. She wants to tell him, she wants to tell someone what’s going through her head, but she doesn’t want to burden then. Godric knows Sirius has enough burdens and she doesn’t want to add to them.

“I’m fine, I just,” She sniffles and wipes her nose, “I had a nightmare.”

“Was it about Mulciber and Avery?”

She retracts at their names. Whenever anyone else mentions it their names are never mentioned. Mary always knows but no one says the names. It makes it a little bit easier though, naming them, remembering that they’re only people and they can’t hurt her now.

She nods, a fresh well of tears springing up.

“Mary,” Sirius sits down on the opposite end of the sofa. He’s not touching her or even being remotely threatening but a jolt of fear runs down her spine. “Do you want to talk about your nightmare?”

She reminds herself that it’s Sirius. Sirius who she’s almost held hands with, whose lap she sat on, who makes jokes about every serious subject and pesters her for more of her mum’s shortbread. It’s Sirius, and she relaxes a little.

“It’s okay. I’m fine,” She repeats, well aware that there are more tears running down her face and her hands are clutching at her elbows.

“Alright. I can’t sleep so I’m going to sit here for a bit,” He settles back into the chair and stares into the fire, “If you change your mind, I’m willing to listen.”

Mary wants to spring across the sofa and hug him. She doesn’t but she wants to. 

They sit there for a little while. Sirius watching the fire and Mary watching him. He glances across at her and smiles. She’s decided that she’s going to tell him, she’s just getting the words right in her head before she says anything.

“I can’t remember most of it,” She starts and Sirius’ attention switches back to her immediately. “I remember them grabbing me and the room but what they did I have no idea. I remember pain and a lot of bright light- from the curses I assume.”

Sirius’ face contorts a little. 

“I can hear them laughing though. And taunting me. Whenever I dream about it that’s all I hear, Mulciber laughing and Avery encouraging him. I can’t move and … there’s pain rippling down my spine, across my arms and down my legs -” She breaks off with a sob.

She buries her head into her knees. The tears streaming down her face as the memories of the helplessness she remembers feeling that night.

“Mary,” She looks up and through tear blurred eyes she can see that Sirius has moved a little closer. “Can I - Is it okay if I give you a hug?” He peers anxiously at her.

She holds his eye contact for a moment. She’s grateful for him asking. If he had just hugged her she would have panicked, the motion being too like the feeling of Mulciber dragging her off. But he asked, and she trusts him.

“Yes,” She manages to croak out.

The couch bounces and then his arms go around her. She leans into him and finally lets the tears flow. His arm tighten at the sound of her sobs and Mary’s slightly aware that she’s making his shirt wet. She can’t stop the tears once they’ve started though and so she cries.

Her nose is runny and her eyes are all red, but her sobs have subsided enough that Sirius’ grip loosens a little. Not enough that he’s letting go of her but enough that she can push him off if she wants too. She doesn’t, she wants to move closer to him so she does.

She’s still sniffling a little and she probably looks the most unattractive she’s ever looked, but Sirius smiles down at her when she raises her head.

Neither of them say anything, they just sit wrapped up in each other’s arms.

“Sirius,” Mary looks at him, “Thank you.”

He smiles, “No problem. I’ll trying to be awake when you’re crying next time,” He teases.

Mary lets out a watery chuckle. There are still some tears threatening but her chest feels lighter now and her eyes are dropping.

“You know what I think this situation needs?” Mary drags her eyes open again to see a smirk on Sirius’ face, “Shortbread.”

She laughs properly, shoulders shaking and eyes shut. Trust Sirius to be thinking of shortbread, but his comment eased the tension in her chest and Mary can feel herself slipping off to sleep. Sirius pulls her back against him. Her back pressed to his and his arms round her waist. Their hands are resting on top of each other, not linked, just touching.

“Macdonald,” Sirius whispers in her ear, “Are you falling asleep on me?”

She nods into his shoulder. Somehow Sirius gets her upright and over to the staircase.

“I can’t help you up to your dorm, so just don’t fall down the stairs, alright,” Sirius still has an arm around her which falls away when she talks a step up the stairs. She wants to step back down, back into his arms but he steps away.

“G’night,” 

“Goodnight, Mary,”

 

**vii.**

Smoke drifts around the station. The loud chatter of parents and children reuniting filled the air, and tucked away against the bricks wall of King’s Cross’ a group of seventh years are exchanging goodbye hugs.

Sirius isn’t too concerned about saying goodbye to his friends, he’ll be seeing most of them soon. James and Lily are practically inseparable and the rest of the Marauders are not just going to drop out of contact.

The only person that Sirius is concerned about saying goodbye is Mary. She hasn’t mentioned anything about plans for after graduation. Even though for most of them plans meant a rough pictures of what they wanted to, Mary hasn’t even talked about any possible career options.

Sirius knows that he’s going to be working for The Order. Most of the other’s are too, all of them determined to combat the Death Eaters. There isn’t really anything else to do. He could join the Ministry but they’re not paying attention. He’s going to stop Voldemort and his follows any way he can.

“Sirius,” Mary’s voice brings him out of his thoughts. “My mum’s waiting so I suppose this is goodbye.”

She’s not smiling, which is an oddity for Mary. There’s a strange tension on her face, and her eyes keep darting around the platform. Sirius knows that she’s become increasingly uncomfortable around some of their classmates, especially over the last year with some of them spouting pureblood propaganda.

“I guess,” Sirius feels the emotion clog up his throat. 

She’s not quite close enough for him to pull her into a hug without a step forward. His mind skips back to the night he found her crying and her reaction to him then. He decides not to hug her, not to startle her or make her feel obligated to him in any way.

He wants to hug her though, wants to pull her close to him and hold her there for a long as he can. She’s too far away though, and Sirius can feel everything between them that they’ve never talked about.

He wants to say something. Put some words in the space between them and perhaps make it feel a little smaller. 

_I love you_ , feels too heavy on his tongue. _I’ll see you soon_ , feels too much like a promise to be broken. 

Mary’s still watching him. There’s a look of acceptance on her face, like she’s accepted that this is the last time she’s going to see him.

“I’m going home for a little while,” She offers, turning and smiling at her mum. Mrs Macdonald is a taller version of Mary, the same smile, the same eyes. Sirius smiles and waves a hand.

“Are you -” Sirius breaks off, not sure whether he wants to know the answer, “Are you coming back?”

“I don’t know,” Mary says after a pause, “It’s dangerous, for someone like me.”

He nods. She’s right of course. It is dangerous and Sirius doesn’t want Mary’s name to be on the list of people murdered by Voldemort and his fanatics. He knows that her leaving is safer, but he can’t help wanting her to stay.

“Sirius, just in case …” She doesn’t say it but Sirius knows what she means, “Good luck and thank you for … for everything.”

She takes a step forward, lip quivering, and reaches towards him. He pulls her into his arms and a few tears slip down his face.

“Thank you too,”

Her head barely comes up to his shoulder but he dips his head and to press a kiss to her hair. She pulls back and smiles. There’s a tear streak down her face.

“If you get time, don’t forget to write,” Her hands drag down his arms, squeeze his fingers and then she’s gone.

He watches her leave. Her suitcase and petite frame disappearing through the barrier. He wants to run after her, his brains is screaming at him to move, to bring her back, to tell her. Instead he just stands there, staring pathetically at a wall, hoping that she’ll come back through. 

He can still feel the warmth of her against his chest.

“Sirius,” James’ hand on his arm brings him back to reality.

Most of the station has cleared now. There’s just Lily and the other Marauder’s left. The Potter’s have invited them all for a celebration and Sirius was excited to see them again.

As they file out of the station, the anticipation Sirius knows he should be feeling, from graduating and entering the real world, is bittersweet. He’s become an adult, a life full of adventure in front of him, but he can’t help feeling that perhaps the greatest adventure he could have had, walked out of his arms.

 

**viii.**

There are flowers everywhere and somewhere in the mass of greenery there’s one that Lily is allergic too. Mary’s not sure why there are so many flowers. Lily had said something about Peter and flowers shops and Mary’s spent enough time with them all at Hogwarts to not ask questions.

She’s not so sure that Lily going to be too pleased about having a blotchy nose and red eyes on her wedding day.

There haven’t been many people invited, after all there is a war going on. Lily and James have opted for a small wedding with only close friends and family, in the back of the Potter’s garden. The house itself brings back memories for Mary. She’d spent days and days here in summer, just being a teenager and living.

She leaves Lily frantically blotting her nose and finds her way out into the garden, where the wedding is due to take place.

It’s almost winter but the tent is warm and filled with friendly chatter. Mary finds who she’s looking for quickly.

“Excuse me, Fleamont … could I-” She points to the house, away from where James and the rest of the guests are.

James gives her a look, full of confusion and Mary nods with a smile She hopes her face says, everything’s fine, don’t worry. She knows James is going to worry anyway but she can at least pretend.

“Do you have anything for allergies?” She asks Fleamont when they’re out of earshot. He smiles and disappears, reappearing with a small vial.

“Two drops, on the tongue,” He winks and then returns to the garden.

Mary’s running up the stairs, her skirt around her knees and she bumps into a chest. One that is somehow familiar.

“Mary,” She looks up into Sirius’ face, jaw lax and eyes wide. Mary knows her own face must be reflecting a similar amount of shock.

She’s prepared herself to see him- he is the best man after all, but him being in front of her it entirely different to how she imagined seeing him again. It should have happened last night, at the rehearsal dinner that she missed. She’s spent the whole morning distracting herself with thoughts of Lily’s dress, the flowers, the cake, her shoes. It was easier to distract herself than to think about what she;d feel when she saw Sirius again.

Now that he’s stood in front of her Mary admits that it might have been better to think about her feelings. That way she wouldn’t feel like such a mess. She wants to hug him and kiss him. She got a feeling in her chest that makes her think she might explode.

His eyes flick away from hers, glancing down her dress to her barefeet and then focusing on the vial in her hand. 

“I have to -” She holds up the vial, suddenly remembering that there’s a wedding going on and Lily is waiting upstairs. She doesn’t want to leave him, there’s too much to say, but Mary’s not sure she’ll ever have the words.

He laughs, “I won’t hold you up,”

She nods and takes off up the stairs.

“Don’t forget I’m walking you down the aisle, Macdonald,” He calls as she enters Lily’s room, almost falling flat on her face from the shock of his comment.

She gives Lily the potion and waits till her face clears up to question her.

“Who am I walking down the aisle with?”

“Sirius, I think,” Lily looks at her through the mirror. 

“We’re completely different heights, it’s going to look stupid.”

“James organised it.” Lily defends herself and smiles through a sneeze, “And we don’t care what it looks like, we just care that you’re both there.”

Mary sighs, there’s no way she’s getting out of it. Deep down she knows she doesn’t want to, spending any small amount of time with Sirius has haunted her dreams ever since she’d last seen him.

“I think I’m ready,” Lily says, smoothing down her dress one last time.

They share an excited laugh and then Lily’s clambering down the stairs. Sirius is waiting at the bottom, and Mary has the opportunity to look at him properly. 

It’s only been a few months but Mary’s drinks him in. He’s doing the same to her. Sirius is wearing a combination of robes and a suit. Mary has no idea how he’s managed to pull it off, but somehow he has. 

She barely focuses on his clothes. His smile is more important. Mary can’t help matching it, she tries to suppress the smile as it spreads across her face. She bits her lips and Sirius’ smile brightens, and Mary’s gone, again.

The whole way down the aisle all she can feel the point where their skin is touching. Mary has to remind herself to breath, slowly and deeply, it wouldn’t do to pass out in Sirius’ arms.

She barely blinks and then Lily is Mrs Potter. Mary’s not sure if she’s ever seen a happier couple.

Most of the wedding reception passes in a blur. There are speeches, from more people than there need to be, and crying and drunken soliloquies as the evening draws on.

Mary ends up on the dancefloor. She’s not entirely sure how, but there was something with Lily and Marlene and then she’s dancing. She loses her shoes at some point and decides, screw it, she’ll be barefoot.

Spinning around, holding hands with her friends, she can forget everything for a moment. The Death Eaters and Blood-Purists aren’t any concern while she’s dancing and laughing with her friends.

“Careful, you’ll hurt something,” She spins into a pair of arms that close around her and Mary looks up to finds Sirius smiling down at her. Without her shoes on the height difference is more prominent, she has to tilt her head upwards but her hands slip easily around his waist.

Mary first thought is that he doesn’t look drunk nearly enough for a wedding. If there’s alcohol around then Sirius must have been avoiding it because he spins her round the dancefloor with ease. Mary would protest, she would drag herself out of his arms but after fighting it for so long, after not seeing him for months, and after too many Firewhiskey’s, she really doesn’t care anymore. 

She smiles up at him and dances.

Then the music changes. Instead of a upbeat song, the music slows and before Mary can pull away Sirius’ arms pull her close and they’re swaying slowly. As they spin in gentle circles Mary can see Lily by the gramophone with a big grin and waggling eyebrows.

“How’s the Order?” Mary asks, her speech is a little slurred but she can’t keep slow dancing with Sirius or she’s going to do something stupid, like kiss him.

“Can’t tell you that Macdonald,” He smirks, “Classified.”

He looks so pleased, to be able to say those words, that a laugh bubbles out of her before she can stop it.

“But you’re alright?” She says when she stops laughing.

“Yeah, I’m alright,”

There’s a pause and Mary can feel Sirius fingers running up and down her back. He probably hasn’t noticed he’s doing it and Mary’s suddenly very aware of close they are.

“How are you?” Sirius asks.

“I’m fine,” Mary says, because what other answer is she supposed to give?

Sirius looks at her and doesn’t look at all convinced so she tries again, “I’m scared but then I’m not the only one,”

“Half the time fear is the only thing that keeps me going,” Sirius looks around the room, Mary follows his train of sight, Remus, Marlene, James, Lily, Peter, Alice, Frank, all of their friends, till he comes back to look at her, “I terrified that we’re going to lose. That we’ll lose all of this, that I’ll -”

“We’re not going to lose,” Mary assures him when he can’t finish the sentence.

“We?” His eyes light with hope, and Mary feels guilty for having given it to him.

“I mean, you, The Order, none of you will let them win,”

“Oh,”

Mary can almost hear the question he’s not saying, asking her to join them, to become part of the Order, but she can’t. There’s too much at stake for her. She’s doing her bit. It may not be a lot, she might not be out there on the frontlines but she’s not twiddling her thumbs at home. She’s more of a background part, the ferrier of packages, and keeper of secrets.

“I can’t join you. I can’t be doing what you do,” She says, trying to explain even though she knows that Sirius understand even without her explanation. “I don’t have a safety net like most of you,”

She looks around the room, at the people who are fighting everyday of their lives and wonders why she’s never rushed out into the fray with them, sending curses at Death Eaters and smuggling mysterious packages out of the Ministry. She wants to be, she wants to be there in the middle of it all, but she has to face reality. There’s nothing for her to fall back on if they lose.

It should really make her more eager to get out and fight but instead it fills her with fear. Fear that she’ll lose more of her friends, fear that she’ll get one of them hurt. She can’t do it. She’s tried and she’s no good in that situation, so she ferries packages and decodes messages.

“You have us. You have me,” Sirius says it so quietly that she almost misses it. “I could, … we could be your safety net,”

Mary’s sure she’s forgotten how to breath properly. 

“I know,” The emotion bubbles up in her throat and she wants to cry and throw her arms around his neck, “And that’s why I’m doing the bits I’m doing. Because I want a life in this world,” I want a life with you, is what she doesn’t say. Sirius knows though, at least she hopes he does.

“Someone’s got to keep us supplied with biscuits,” He jokes, and pulls her close again.

She laughs and presses her cheek to his chest, the sound of his heartbeat filling her ears, “That’s me, official biscuits supplier.”

Sirius laughs at that. Mary pulls away a little and tilts her head, eager to catch as much of his smile as she can get. It’s a little crooked at the edges but happiness bleeds through every movement he makes.

He brings a hand up to his face, and rubs his nose. Mary watches for a moment and reaches her hand out to his. She presses her hand against his tugging them downwards until they’re on his chest. She can feel the thumping of his heart.

“If you ever miss me too much,” She looks up at him and then down at their hands pressed against his heart, “You know where to find me.”

Neither of them speak for a moment, till Mary lets her hand drop.

“Mary -”

“Oi,” James’ voice booms across the room, “Mrs Potter has something to say,” he turns with a flourish to Lily but before she can say anything -

“Yes I do. Thank you dear,” Euphemia Potter steps forward.

Mary pulls herself up, straightening her spine and blinking away her tears.

Laughter fills the room. Mary’s heart sweels with affection for her friends, her family. She wants a future like this moment, she wants a future with these people. She wants to be able to wake every day knowing that this type of happiness is awaiting her.

Mary’s eyes focus on Sirius, stood next to her watching Euphemia give a speech. There’s fondness in his eyes as they crinkle at the corners when he laughs. It’s possible, Mary thinks. It’s possible that she could have this future with him, he’s offered it to her. 

All she has to do it take it.

She could take it right now. 

His hands dance through the air, ruffling his hair and clapping . It would be so easy to reach out and take one. If she did then she’d never let him go. 

“Everything okay Macdonald?” Sirius’ voice in her ear makes her jump. 

She nods, “Just lost in a daydream,” She’s not going to take him hand, or his heart, not yet. There are thing she needs to do before then, things he needs to do before then.

But when the war is over, Mary promises, she’s going to take his hands in hers.

 

**\+ i**

The house is driving him mad. If it’s even possible for a house to do such a thing, and Sirius wouldn’t be surprised if this one can. 

Grimmauld Place is the same as when he left it years ago but he can’t leave. He’s more trapped than he was when he was a boy. There’s no Hogwarts to run to this time, no Potter’s or Knight Bus that can whisk him away.

He’s trapped, and he’s waiting.

That’s the worst part. The waiting. The sitting at the table, waiting and waiting for someone to bring news or distract him.

He should be doing more. That’s the thought that keep rattling around his head. It’s happening again and all he’s doing is sitting. He’s sitting and everyone else is fighting. There are children, Harry and his friends, that are doing more than him.

It makes him restless. There’s an itch under his skin, one that he can’t reach but Sirius knows that if he was doing something it would go away.

The only thing that keeps him sat at the table is knowing that if he’s outside the house, he’s dead. It’s too risk, and even if Sirius stopped valuing his own life years ago, he has other people to think of now. He has Harry. He promised Harry they would be a family and he’s planning to keep that promise.

News trickles in slowly. The painting’s bring little tibbets, and there’s the occasional letter. Sometimes Arthur or Tonks turn up with news, he’ll listen and store every bit away. They always miss bits though and it’s not the same as seeing it. All Sirius has seen is the same walls, over and over. They’re walls that remind him of his mother. Walls that he’d like to see burnt to the ground but ones that are saving his life.

He doesn’t bother to count the days anymore, so he doesn’t know when exactly it is that he hears it. A name, one he hasn’t thought about for years but one that somehow has always been with him, buried in the depths of his heart.

“Mary’s been feeding us information,” Remus whispers to Tonks, so low that Sirius is sure he isn’t supposed to hear.

“Is that safe?”

“She’s working at the Ministry under an alias, Macdonald screams Muggle-Born. Nothing is safe now but she’s determined,”

Sirius almost stop breathing, except he feels like he’s suddenly been given a new lease of life. Mary Macdonald is alive.

He wants to burst into the room and demand every little detail from Remus. He wants to know every little thing about her, how many wrinkles there are around her eyes, if she still likes shortbread and drinks green tea even though she hates it.

It makes his heart a little bit lighter to know that Mary is still out there, smiling and laughing and alive.

Sirius slumps against the wall. He hasn’t thought about Mary in years. The years haven’t dulled the memories though. The pain of her leaving, their bittersweet dance at James and Lily’s wedding. 

A gasp escapes Sirius as he’s reminded of the ache of loss from losing Lily and James.

“Mary Macdonald is alive?” Sirius says to Remus the next morning. The words have been floating around his brain all night, he has quite been able to believe it, she’s alive.

Remus scowls, confused about why Sirius is mentioning someone that they haven’t talked about in years.

“Yes, she’s,” Remus pauses, “She’s at the Ministry,. Do you remember her?”

Sirius almost scoffs. Of course he remembers her, how could he not? But then he’s been in Azkaban for years, it wouldn’t be surprising if he’d forgotten her.

“Yes, I,” Sirius breaks off, the questions rising up in his throat, but really, only one of them matters, “Is she okay? Is she happy?”

Remus considers for a moment, “She’s scared, but she’s not in an immediate danger.”

There’s not really anything else to say, because everyone is scared and everyone is in danger. It doesn’t matter that the thought of Mary in danger makes Sirius wants to punch every Death Eater he can get his hand on. He’s still stuck in the house.

And then, Snape turns up with a story about Hogwarts and Umbridge. Eventually Sirius gets out that Harry is in danger and he almost does punch Snape for keeping that information from him. It doesn’t help that Snape smirks as he lets drop that the rest of the Order have already been informed, Sirius is the last to know.

If it wasn’t for Harry, Sirius would have no regrets cursing the slimy git, but Harry’s in danger. Sirius apparates, and arrives at the Ministry.

There’s no sign of a battle, no yelps or bright flashes. 

It takes him a while to get down to the Department of Mysteries. He can hear them now, Bellatrix screeching and Harry taunting her.

He’s moving towards the sounds, when another one stops him in his tracks.

“Sirius?”

He’s heard his name said hundreds of times, hated it and loved it and ignored it, but it’s never sounded better than when Mary Macdonald whispers it down that corridor.

“Sirius Black?” She’s stood frozen in shock at the sight of him, “What are you doing here?”

“Mary,”

Then they’re moving towards each other and Mary’s in his arms. She’s smiling and crying and Sirius can feel a tear running down his cheek. He can feel her breath against his collarbone as she digs her hands in his coat.

“What are you doing here?” Sirius asks. He almost laughs at himself. He hasn’t seen her for thirteen years and that’s all he can come up with?

“I let the Order in,” She nods in the direction of the shouts, “Harry’s here,”

“I know, that’s why I’m here,”

“I gathered,” She laughs. Her hands trail down his arms and then link together with his. 

They turn towards the door together.

“Mary,” Sirius says, turning to face her, “I didn’t betray them,”

She nods, her lips twitching in a half smile. Sirius wants her to what happened. There’s no time to explain it all now but he wants her to know that much.

“Remus told me,” 

“Oh,”

“You can tell me after we deal with this,” She steps forward, into his arms, pressing her cheek in her chest. “We’ve got all the time in the world,”

Sirius knows that’s not quite true. The Death Eaters aren’t here for fun, they’re going to try and kill them. Either one of them could not wall out of the Ministry. 

He doesn’t voice his thoughts, just presses his nose to Mary’s hair and pulls her against his chest again.

Sirius is too caught up in savouring this moment that he almost doesn’t notice the bright flash of light from the other side of the room. Mary stiffens in his arms, a little groan of panic escapes her and then she slumps against him.

“Never thought I’d be seeing you again, Black”

The voice prickles along Sirius’ skin. He looks over Mary’s slumped form to see Mulciber, half hidden by the shadows, with a grin on his face.

Mary’s shallow breathing catches his attention and Sirius can feel liquid on his hands. He raises one, careful to not jostle Mary. His hand is covered in blood, and he knows he’s not bleeding.

“Mary,” Sirius cries. He sinks onto the floor, kneeling with Mary in his lap. She’s breathing slowly, blood seeping through her clothes.

The curse Mulciber has thrown at Mary is eating it’s way into her skin. There’s blood stains on her shirt, wet and red, her fingers clutching at them as if she can stop the magic from devouring her. 

“I finally perfected my curses just for you, Macdonald,” Mulciber crows, with a laugh.

Sirius gropes for his wand, throwing curses at Mulciber as he apparates away. The gasps of pain from Mary bring a sob to his throat. She’s still conscious, her bloody hands holding onto his coat lapels.

“Mary, you’re going to be alright. I’m going to ..” He holds out his wand, muttering half remembered incantations and cursing himself for not paying more attention at school.

“No no no, Mary, no, you .. no”

“Sirius,” Her voice is hoarse and brings more tears to his eyes. Mary’s crying too, her tears mixing with the pool of blood forming on the floor.

Sirius, I -” She coughs and winces as the curse digs its way deeper into her skin.

“Hey, no, you’re going to be okay,” Sirius whispers to her. 

He brings his forehead down to hers. In all their time apart he’s forgotten her eyes. They’re so blue, blue with green flecks around the edges. He pushes a strand of hair out of her face, ignoring the blood that’s making it clump together.

She shifts, and Sirius feels her hands on his elbow.

“Mary, Mary, no. You can’t” He takes her hands in his, clutching them like he can bring her back to life by wishing.

She’s fading in front of his eyes and Sirius has no idea how to help. 

The pool of blood is getting bigger and Mary’s breathing is slowing.

“Sirus, I should have,” She coughs, and Sirius wants to shush her, tell her not to waste her strength, to hold on just a little but longer.

“I should have been braver,” 

Sirius lets out a watery laugh, “You’re one of the bravest people I know,”

“I never told you though. I never told you how I feel,” Her eyebrows are furrowed together, pain pinched into her face.

“I never said anything either,” He can taste tears that are running down his cheeks.

“Doesn’t matter now,” Mary says slowly, deep gulps off air in between each word.

“Yes it does, we lost thirteen years Mary,” He gulps in air, trying to quell his tears. “I want them, I want them with you.”

“I want them too, but, Sirius,” Mary tries to sit up, the pain and blood loss forces her back down, “You’re going to get them and you can’t spend them regretting this,”

It’s such a Mary thing to do. She’s dying and yet she’s still the one giving out advice. 

“Mary, I -” He breaks off at the sound of her groaning.

“You have to help Harry,” She whispers. Her voice drops, her eyes drooping shut. The blood loss making her lose consciousness, “You have to live,”

Their hands are still intertwined. Mary’s knuckles are white under the coating of blood. She strengthens her grip and Sirius presses their hands to her chest, dropping kisses on any part of her he can find.

Her grip tightens, she sighs and then relaxes in his arms.

Sirius shuts his eyes. He concentrates on the picture of her smile, the feel of her hands in his and the smell of her hair when she hugged him.

He opens his eyes, and looks at her face. Her eyes are blank. Her head tilted down, her last smile directed at their intertwined hands. 

“Mary,” Sirius sobs, his tears running down her face. 

Reluctant to let go of her hands, Sirius clutches her body to his chest. He can’t look at her face any more. He wants to remember her smile as it was when she was alive, to remember the light in her eyes and all the different expressions she had. He wants to remember everything about her but he never had enough time and now she’s gone.

The sound of clattering rubble makes Sirius look up and remember where he is, why he’s here.

He’s here because of Harry.

Mary’s body is still warm as he places her gently on the floor. He tugs his fingers out of hers, tracing the curve of her thumb and the lines on her palm.

It’s odd that Mary Macdonald who was once so alive is lying dead on the cold floor of the Ministry.

Sirius puts his coat over her. If he has to leave her like this, he’s going to leave her comfortable. He shuts her eyes, they’re cold and lifeless now.

As Sirius walks towards the door, the sound of Mary’s laugh rings in his ears. It’s been years since he’s heard it but he wants to hear it again. He can’t now and a tear trickles down his cheek. The redness of his eyes is obvious but he wipes away the dampness on his cheeks with his sleeves and sets his shoulders.

“Harry,” Sirius says to himself as he raises his wand.

Moments later he falls backwards, toppling over for what feels like an eternity. 

White light envelopes him. 

And then a smile breaks over his face as a hand slips into his.

**Author's Note:**

> This is, honestly, the happiest ending I could think of for them when sticking to the canon timelime. Thanks for reading!
> 
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> Find me on tumblr @[willsdarcy](https://willsdarcy.tumblr.com)


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